Understanding the BDSM & Fetish Community

An Insider’s Guide to BDSM...

Introduction: It’s only through a sense of understanding that we are able to grant a true depth of empathy, consideration, & acceptance for one another. So even though we may or may not have a personal interest in a particular desire, if we can come to understand the basic dynamic that belies a certain culture then we can at least carry a deeper appreciation for that which we see & those who move within it. This stands for 'all' interactions in life, but even more for the sub-cultures of the alternative scene. Indeed, regardless of your interests - be it to simply go to a club & just be in the scene, perhaps to lean more toward that of an open relationship, a personal exploration of sexual desire, a want for the more intense aspects of BDSM, or even if you're drawn to a fetish based fantasy or bisexual orientation - the greater reality is that there’s really very little which separates us. After all, each is simply a subset of the greater sub-culture for the Adult & Alternative Community. And in truth, there's all too often a very definite cross-over from one interest to another.

Found here, however, we won’t try to answer the elements of "How-To"
         but will instead offer an open discussion more inclined as to What it’s all about...

A Night without Armor - the core issue of personal judgment & sexual desire...

Michelangelo sculpts a woman in the nude & it becomes a work of classic regard. Da Vinci paints a couple coming together & it’s unquestionably a work of art. And yet, take a photo of two people having sex, & most without hesitation would see it as pornographic, perhaps even obscene.

Why is that?

What if I told you that this same photo was of a couple who were deeply in love, married, & it was during this moment that they had actually conceived their first born? Even then, most would still shy away.

Why is it that throughout history so many have had such deep issues with the sexual nature of their kind? All too often we see people acting as if it was a great & perilous wrong, sometimes even seeing it as nothing more but a necessary evil to the propagation of the species!  Indeed, western theology has been all but steeped in the need to deny one’s sexual desire altogether.

This in my mind is an absurd way of looking at something that is in essence not only a part of the fabric that’s been woven into the core foundation of what we are as a living being. But also something which is really quite beautiful, & the manifestation of both the caring desire to please another & a core foundation to develop a deeper intimacy with that individual.

Sure, on a purely physical level it perhaps doesn’t carry the impact & virtue of two people in love sharing a sense of true connection & deep intimacy. But even as a casual encounter, it’s still not much more than the mutual desire of one person giving simple pleasure to another - similar in a sense to that of giving someone a massage to relieve the day’s stress & tension. And yet, because of its personal nature we attach so much more to it without any real thought or consideration as to why.  So the question remains: why are we as a society, so often, so deeply repressed about something that carries such a place of clear prevalence in our fundamental nature?

The answer is actually rather clear albeit often overlooked.  If you want to come to know a person, or even a society as a whole, then there are three areas that you must come to understand: their politics, their theology, & their sexual practice. Indeed, most of all we must come to understand what drives one's sexual practice. For it is when we look at ourselves sexually (& can do so in the glaring light of honest awareness) that we then bare our souls & offer a clear glimpse into the deepest aspects of our inner nature. To thus look at ourselves in a sexual context, then what we ultimately see is a clear reflection of the personal aspect to who we are as a person (or as a people). To be judged in this view is to literally cast a light on the deepest aspects of our most inner nature & the core values we hold within.

Quite obviously, it takes a level of serious strength for a person (let alone a society) to lay it on the line like that; such actions are a night without armor & this is to be truly naked.  Indeed, it takes deep courage to lay oneself open to such vulnerability. So is it really any wonder that history has thus continued to evolve within an underlying theme of such sexual repression & denial?  With this in light, we can then see why it’s so much easier to just throw oneself into a theological debate &/or to cast the nature of one’s sexual desire into the shadows of arbitrary denial…

But herein lies the beauty of the BDSM Community (& for that matter, the whole realm of the adult culture). Such pursuits not only provide an avenue for physical & sexual gratification, but also a realm by which to provide the means for personal discovery. To then share that journey with an equally suited partner (if one does so from the perspective of personal & interpersonal growth), then a profound dynamic can take hold that is built on the continued evolution of trust, open communication, absolute passion, & potentially a level of love that is experienced by few.

Particularly in BDSM, once a level of mutual understanding & acceptance can be achieved, then the issues of sexual & personal repression are all but removed & a level of open & honest communication is created to the Nth degree - almost as a necessity. There is no longer a sense of pressure or the need to relegate your inner desires to the shadows. What's left is quite the opposite - the inner desire to willfully give of yourself to that of your partner (regardless of your orientation to the Dom/sub relationship), & to do so in a nurturing environment that is meant for the mutual gratification of all.

The interactive nature of such a dynamic then finds deep satisfaction in both living the experience through the other, & through a heightened sense of inner-connection (& yes at its pinnacle, from a sense of true depth, love, & absolute devotion). Like the calm surf just below the surface of a turbulent storm, this round & round cycle can create a complex interaction that yields a sense of synergy & connection that is almost insurmountable in any other forum.

No one will argue that there's an emotional attachment that lets the act of making love become an experience that melds both the physical plane with emotional energy to literally move the human soul (& I’m not talking about sex here, I’m talking about the act of ‘making love’ to someone who you actually LOVE). Well in the process of a true BDSM interaction, there becomes an availability to this same level of emotional & physical resource. But it is a profound & fascinating dynamic that is actually understood by very few. Fold into that the inclusion of love born from an ongoing relationship, & you have a heightened interaction that is experienced by few.

                                                                                                             

In our series of understanding the alternative cultures, BDSM is by far the most complex & therefore requires a deeper level of consideration & discussion. So with that in mind, I would ask you, what does it mean to submit to another?

When you close your eyes & the fantasy takes center stage, what comes to mind?

There is a material, a very fine fabric that is made into a body suit. When worn it feels as though you are completely naked - as if you were wearing nothing at all. Imagine being led out to spend countless hours in public with the feeling of being so totally exposed. Imagine being in a crowded club while your body brushes against so many others, feeling as though each was pressing against your bare skin. Imagine knowing that your partner watches you, & that seeing your uncomfortable excitement brings them absolute delight.

- To some, this is an act of submission.

Imagine perhaps being shaved bare, & then asked to go out in a very short skirt, but also made to wear no underwear of any type (save perhaps a garter belt); to be felt & caressed when no one would look & see. Imagine going to a fine restaurant & just before you enter your partner has you wear a g-string that fits snug to your body. Enmeshed in your garment is a very quiet but fairly powerful vibrator. As each course is brought, you discuss the evening’s plans & the erotic intrigue that awaits you. And during each moment your partner holds a remote that engages the vibrator you’re wearing. In the middle of a restaurant during a wonderful dinner, deep & firm pulsations send shivers of want & desire throughout your body.  How erotic would all this make you feel?  How much of a woman in the fullness of her sexual power would this make you become?

Imagine going to a show-bar where women dance naked for a room full of absolute strangers. What if your partner were to have arranged for you to "audition" & be then required to dance completely nude before everyone (all staring with eyes of lustful desire), he or she most of all...

- To some, this is to submit oneself fully.

Imagine being blind folded & tied, then made to spread yourself fully. You were not honest with your feelings & so this was a very serious issue. You must be made to understand what it is to truly give yourself to another. First the feel of a light feather caresses the whole of your body. Slowly, gently, with wisps of little kisses on your most sensitive areas. You grow eager with anticipation as hands then gently caress over your skin. But soon a firm hand spanks down upon your ass. You then feel a firm slap on your thighs & again your hind. In time you grow red & begin to squirm. Continually, the bite of a flogger whips across your back & then again & again upon your ass. You jump with each lash, but then sweet hands gently massage the pain away. Again a slap but this time a gentle touch begins to explore the sensitivity of your thighs. You grow hot & soon feel as if you may cum. But then it all stops & you are left wanting - holding a deep yet unsatisfied desire for more. As you are then untied, you are placed in a chair with your legs spread. The blindfold is taken off & you then realize that another couple had been watching all along. They are asked to have sex for both you & your partner to watch, & as your voyeuristic desires are given great enticement you are then made to masturbate, but again you are not allowed to cum. In time, while you & your partner both look on, the couple convulse in an erotic dance of desire fulfilled. You then feel your body being explored with a particular vibrator & the pulsations become just too much. Keeping you on the verge of orgasm you start to beg for forgiveness; you promise to be good & never hold any part of yourself back if only you would be allowed to finally cum. Permission is granted, & now with all eyes upon you the focus of all in attendance begin to shift their attention to you. In short time, you explode with screaming desire harder than you ever have before…

- To many, this would be an act of true submission.

In essence, the act of D&S is to simply give oneself over to the desires held by another. But in truth, anyone can wield a whip & anyone can spank their partner. An artful tease can bring deep pulsations of lustful desire to every nerve you carry. And yet, so many focus only on the physical. But the deeper truth is that the most erogenous zone of the body is really the mind.

All too often it seems as though few really hold an understanding to truly explore this realm of desire to its full extent - to really explore one’s deeper sense of erotic passion & profound sense of true fantasy. But to do so is to not only explore desire, but also one's self as well...

The Culture at its Best (& Worst):

Without question, the core foundation of any interaction in BDSM is most certainly one that involves the exchange of power (which is to say that one person will relent a sense of power & control to that of another). However, what takes place does not come from a perspective of personal denigration, but rather is initiated for the purpose of a mutually satisfying benefit.

Indeed, more often than not we find that the culture at first glance isn’t quite what it appears to be…

Actually the often all-inclusive label of BDSM is in & of itself not quite accurate either. The culture as a whole encompasses a much larger realm than the more specific scope of just Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. In fact, the interaction of the true Dom/sub relationship isn’t (on any level) what it first appears to be…

In a true D&S relationship, the Master must actually earn the trust & devotion of his or her submissive before such an individual will then give themselves over (although it is true that this isn’t the case in every encounter). However, even in that, ‘Dominance’ isn’t really what’s going on. Quite the contrary, a sub gives themselves over as a willful act, yet does so as a gift & not as an act of forced coercion. At this level the encounter is a relationship born of true devotion, open communication, deep trust, & a sense of love or intimate connection. In the end a dynamic of absolute passion is born. And indeed, this is the culture at its best.

Then of course, there is the other side…

Far too often we see an interaction created out of one person’s need for control & his or her pathetic attempt to prop up an over-inflated ego or to balance a poor sense of self-image & a lack of self-esteem through the absolute domination of another. They literally steal the energy of one person so they themselves can feel some sense of capable resolve. Often on the other side we see a person who offers no real level of ‘submission’ but rather wrestles continually with demons of some past trauma & is actually reliving the essence of being a ‘victim’ in some sense of the word. In either case, there is no sense of mutual regard, & an interaction in this light is anything but healthy. Like bad sex in any forum, the focus here is solely on what they can get from the encounter rather than what they can give in return. Such an interaction has really nothing to do with a willful state of true submission & ultimately ends up as nothing more than a clear act of abuse. Without question, this is the culture at its absolute worst.

The Community Taken as Whole:

Please understand that the BDSM Community is essentially a forum for the personal expression of one's sexuality (whatever that may be). So whenever someone speaks to Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism, or Fetish in general, they often use these various terms interchangeably. Actually this is unfortunate because so very much gets lumped under just this one category (BDSM).

You see, whenever you speak about BDSM, by its very nature you also include a multitude of various fetish-based fantasies, desires, & pursuits. For instance, to stick with the core of the whole thing, there is Bondage (the fetish or art of simple restraint), then there is D&S (the desire for dominance & submission) - these are both separate yet interconnected. Just as with sadism & masochism (the desire to cause physical pain to another or to find pleasure in the causing of pain), this in a pure sense has really very little to do with domination. For instance, one is not necessarily dominated because they are being spanked. Indeed, a dominant can have a slave spank him/her because he/she desires the pleasures of his own masochistic want. And yet, more often they all come together: one dominates another to which bondage often plays a key role; the desire for physical intensity is almost always linked to the desire for a scene with elements of S&M (at least to some degree), and so on...

So what does all this mean & why do we care?  Well, just so that you understand one person simply "spanking" another may have nothing to do with "Domination." If done in a very pure sense then this is an act of S&M.  But if that same situation is placed within the scene of a domination scenario, then it becomes one aspect to Dominance & Submission [D&S] or Bondage & Discipline [B&D]. But these are two different things.

The point I'm trying to make is that you need to keep a perspective on what it is you see (or that to which you are involved). In fact, to place an even larger twist on things, if the person in question is masochistic, then are you not actually seeing an act of love & desire as this person actually achieves pleasure from that which they receive? 

Awareness & perspective is the key to understanding what is truly unfolding before you...

With such nuance & so much going on things do tend to get a little complex. Taken then as a whole (but not going too deep), there are roughly 5 independent but interconnected levels to the culture: Dominance & Submission, Bondage & Discipline, Sadism & Masochism, Fetish, & Fantasy…

The D&S Relationship (Dominance & Submission): The rather obvious dynamic of the D&S relationship is for one person to have a sense of relative control & power over another. The person who enunciates that sense of power or control is the Dom (Dominant), Top, or Master/Mistress. The person who relents control is the sub (submissive), bottom, or slave. For the most part, there are roughly 4 levels for such an interaction:

Versatile / Switch:  Not all in the culture is quite so black & white. Quite often, individuals will engage on both sides of the whip (so to speak). An individual who sometimes acts as a Top (or Dom) & other times as a bottom (or sub) is referred to as a Switch. A couple or individual who acts in either role is often referred to as being Versatile.  Mind you, this can have a double meaning. Speaking strictly in the BDSM Culture, then we’re talking about one’s orientation toward power & control. Within this framework such a statement makes NO reference to one’s sexual orientation. However, in other aspects of the adult community, when one says they are a “switch &/or versatile,” then they may mean they're bisexual or are flexible as to the sexual role they play (be it a top or bottom). So if making such a reference, be clear on the context of the forum before you.

The Essence of B&D (Bondage & Discipline): Adjacent to D&S we then find Bondage & Discipline. Keep in mind, however, that the two are not one in the same. The act of submission (as we have duly noted) is a willful surrender of one to that of another. A submissive essentially wants to please their Master/Mistress & will do whatever is necessary to do so. In Bondage & Discipline, we do not necessarily find this dynamic. Rather what we see here is more a level of training & punishment, either to correct a wrong (& thus to engage the discipline necessary to proper training) or as a means to erotic role-play. It should also be noted that not all scenes which utilize bondage necessarily require or entail what most would view as ‘Discipline’. Just as often, one might be bound or tied to be erotically teased vs. the more strict measures of spanking, flogging, etc.

The S&M Dynamic (Sadism & Masochism): In S&M we finally see an altogether different interaction. The act of Sadism & Masochism may have absolutely nothing to do with ‘Dominance’ or ‘Punishment’ on any level. Quite the opposite, here we find the desire for heightened arousal through the act of giving or receiving pain. In this context, a person who enjoys being spanked or flogged essentially gets off on the masochistic intensity of the act itself. Submission has nothing to do with it (indeed, a Top, Dom, or Master might want to just enjoy the intense aspect of he himself being spanked!). Equally, a person who enjoys seeing another twitch or jump at the lash of a whip might have very little interest in actual Dominance. Rather it is the act of pain that stands alone as a pure act.

D&S vs. S&M: This is where things start to get a bit complicated, & it is for this that an open dialogue is so critically important (not to mention a degree of understanding for what’s really going on). In the Fetish/BDSM Culture, so many different elements can become so completely enmeshed that they're soon unrecognizable as stand-alone disciplines onto themselves. But when combined in harmony, a typical encounter will weave the fabric of all these various aspects into a tapestry of rich depth & true intrigue.

Just understand that communication & understanding is the key. A submissive can be truly dedicated to their master but might have no interest in pain (a common mistake made by many). To make such an assumption is a critical error & will often lead to a completely unfulfilling experience. Everything has its time & place, but not for every individual, & not all the time or in every instance.

A Few Other Elements:  Fetish, Fantasy, & Role Play, Etc.

One key consideration that BDSM has over its counterparts is that its various interests lend itself to a HUGE degree of relative crossover. Without a doubt, even basic vanilla sex will often have various tomes of more subdued scene-play to add just a touch of flavor (maybe a blindfold, or to be seductively tied with silk scarves & then teased). However, there are certain subcultures that see such a large degree of co-mingled influence that they require some level of consideration onto themselves…

The Inner Game (& the players in the field):

So now that we have at least some idea as to what’s going on, what then really drives those who participate in the culture?  Without question, the reasons are as varied as anything, & make no mistake discussing such attitudes can often get a very strong reaction. But there are a few common threads that shed some light, & equally there are a few misconceptions that need to be addressed…

The Dominant: What type of person is drawn to the psychology of a Dominant Persona? It's not always who you might think it to be, & yet in other cases it’s exactly who’d expect. What follows are a few of the personalities that one could expect to encounter in the scene. The list provided is by no means complete, & the labels are not at all an accepted designate for the culture. But this should at least provide some general insight…

The Versatile Switch: Somewhere between the True Dominant & Lifestyle Submissive you find the versatile switch. This person is for the most part completely in touch with themselves, in tune with those around them, & quite aware of their inner desires. They generally see the BDSM Community as means for sexual & personal exploration, & the practice of its art as more of an erotic adventure. Neither the Dom or sub orientation is a lifestyle for them; rather their interest is generally a fascination with the overall scene. And to be clear, this orientation does not necessarily exist only in an individual but can often be seen as a fundamental interaction between couples. Also, they are not wishy-washy & should never be seen as such. They are actually quite clear in what they want but gain pleasure from BOTH orientations.

The Submissive: What type of qualities then work to create a Submissive? Well, very much like their dominant counterpart they’re not always what you might think, & yet sometimes they’re exactly what you’d expect. What follows is a listing of the more prevalent personalities, & as before the list provided is by no means complete, nor are the labels provided at all an accepted designate for the culture…

The Scene as a Lifestyle:

Most people in the community use the scene as an added dimension to spice up an otherwise well balanced life. Others use it to simply fulfill a basic need or fantasy. But there are a select few that fully embrace the culture as a complete lifestyle. They don’t spend their days pretending to be something they’re not, but instead carry some aspect of the culture throughout almost every aspect of their lives. In general, this type of individual usually falls into one of two categories…

The first is a person who has embraced the full spectrum of their nature & has quite simply come to realize that this aspect of their character is a primary aspect to who & what they are as a person. They have thus infused their life with all aspects of the culture & do so happily as they then lead a truly fulfilled & completely satisfied life. They may be a professional Dom/Domme or perhaps have founded an organization in the culture, their friends are primarily those of the BDSM Community, & their partner is most certain attune to such wants & desires. But the key consideration is that although the culture is interwoven into various aspects of their existence, they are none the less completely balanced individuals. It’s a big complex world out there, & without question they move & interact within it.

On the other end of the scale, you find a very similar person who also lives with BDSM as a lifestyle. But here we find slightly different forces at work. Here we find an individual who has completely engrossed every aspect of their vary being into the scene.  Now I don't really place any judgment on how one leads his or her life (it is after all, their life). But I would question whether or not this is healthy. There are those who have embraced the culture as a lifestyle, but I would compare such an individual to that of a workaholic. In truth, they aren’t really embracing much of anything. What they’re really doing is to use this one aspect of their fundamental nature to essentially hide from everything else.

I’ve alluded to this several times...   life is a tapestry.  Its richness lies in our ability to embrace the full capacity of our inner desire & the whole spectrum of our true nature. That’s what the BDSM Community is really all about. It's most certainly an avenue through which to satisfy our most primal desires & can do so on both a very primary & purely physical level. But it is also a unique forum to explore the full nature of our inner most self. It's not good to use it as a sanctuary for which to hide. So engage yourself in the community, doing so willfully, & for the purpose of mutual benefit with positive influence. But in the end, it’s a big beautiful world out there. So live in it, & do so with a full shaker of spice it can provide. As you weave the tapestry more fully together, enjoy all that you are & live your life to its fullest extent. Then take a moment to gain a sense of understanding for those that are around you. We all live in a rich world full of diversity. In that, judgment will tend to disappear once you have a sense of true understanding, & that’s really what it's all about…

- Richard A.D.

Part II: A Basic Guide to Understanding Fetish-Based Desires

Fantasy Role Play, The Fetish Scene, & other 'Attachments'...

Fetish Based Desire:

The origin of a sexually based fetish lies in the fact that somewhere along the line an attachment to a particular attribute, fantasy, or want became essentially linked-up with a sexual desire. Though continued focus, this fantasy-based desire usually evolves into a primary fixation. If given a proper outlet, you have a sexual pursuit which harmlessly revolves around a particular want (& this can encompass literally anything). However, if such infatuations are not kept in their proper perspective, then they do have the possibility to grow into a full blown obsession, & this is not a healthy stance for any sexual practice.

Given the nature of its orientation, a particular fetish is usually very specific in its scope & context. It's simply a compulsive yearning that needs fulfillment & a desire that needs to be explored. Beyond that, it usually carries very little past the physical or psychological attachment. However, one's 'attachment' can be carried into just about anything...

One can for instance be fixated on a particular attribute:  A fetish for breasts, a foot fetish, legs, or even something as off-center as an amputee - you name it & there’s someone who has a fetish for it. Most people have a preference for this or that, but a fetish takes that preference to the extreme & builds a complete fantasy-based-obsession around it. Indeed, this can even go so far as to encapsulate what I call the "Same Gender Fetish" (for a more detailed look at this phenomena please see our article covering Bisexuality & Sexual Orientation).

Fantasy Role Play:

The core essence to fantasy role-play is obviously not that deep. Generally, it’s as simple as it appears to be - nothing more than a personal desire to slip into another role & combine a moment of sexual desire with a bit of non-reality. It is the want to revisit a high school memory of being the football star who gets the girl (or the cheerleader who gets the guy; or even perhaps to be the star you never were). It is a sense of living out the fantasy of having sex with your secretary when in real life you would never even consider such a proposition (& to whom in real life you may not even be really attracted, but the idea is deeply erotic because it’s a taste of forbidden fruit). It is a feeling of being absolutely powerless to another & having to ‘pay the rent’ any way you can (even though in reality you would never find yourself in such a position or would ever consider such a proposition). It’s any one of a thousand scenarios that have somehow been linked-up to form a basis for sexual desire. It's as simple & as harmless as that; like watching a movie, but instead you're an active participant in the play.

Just for the sake of clarity, however, there are a couple of scenarios that may need some explaining (mainly because they are so often a point of contention with so many)…

Transsexual vs. Transvestite Desires:

We’ll addressed concerns for the Transgender Community under ‘Sexual Orientation.’ And please keep in mind that the issues of a Transsexual are, from the perspective of the Transgender Culture, anything but a fetish. But the desire for a Transsexual often falls under the category of a Fetish-based desire so that aspect we will address here.

The basic attraction for the Transgender Community is actually fairly common. And the community as a whole most certainly has a balance of supply & demand working in its favor. On the whole, they are pursued by the gay community as well as various aspects of the heterosexual & Bisexual Communities. The want for a transsexual in the gay community is partially one of sheer novelty, but predominantly is due to a recognition of that diva quality that enunciates the most beautiful aspects of the female form in star-struck fashion. In both the Heterosexual & Bisexual communities, they are pursued primarily due to the result of a Same Sex Fetish (discussed in our article on bisexuality) or due to a certain degree of homosexual repression - the want for a male attribute with an otherwise female form. 

Transvestites - One point of general confusion is the term Transvestite. A Transvestite is actually a cross-dresser. That is to say it’s actually a man (or woman) who dresses as the opposite sex for the purpose of gender-bending role play. They are however still the same sex & have made no actual physical augmentation to their sexual identity.

Transgender - A person who is Transgender has in fact been surgically & physically altered to thus assume the identity of the opposite sex.

It must also be understood that transsexuals (as noted in our adjacent article) DO maintain a crisis with sexual identity. Transvestites on the other hand, generally do not. They are individuals with a specific fetish, & in fact many are not even gay. They simply enjoy playing the role of a woman for a specified period of time but have absolutely no interest in actually ‘becoming’ a woman (or less commonly visa versa woman to man).

A more detailed discussion will follow in our article regarding sexual identity.

- Richard A.D.

                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Supplemental Material

An Essential Foundation to Understanding Sexual Repression:

A Quick Guide to Carl Jung & the Shadow Self…

There’s a big difference between admiring something & being turned on by it. If I’m a guy & look at a gorgeous woman that completely turns me on then I’m sexually attracted to her. If I see a guy who's completely lean with a perfect physique then I can look at him with complete admiration. But such a response is not a sexual response, it’s a personal reaction. I see beauty & in turn reflect a sense of what "I" could be.

If I'm comfortable within my sexuality then this degree of admiration offers no threat or need to shy away. However, for those who are unable to carry such a consideration then one of two things is in play. Either they are purely afraid of the response that others would have to such a statement, or they are in fact somewhat repressed within their sexuality. But there's a bit more to it...

Enter the name Carl Jung.

Jung was one of the founding fathers of modern psychology & stood in direct opposition to Sigmund Freud on several major issues (& no, we’re not going to go there). Jung defined some of the most profound elements to understand the inner workings our mental processes: The Shadow Self, & the Mask & Mirror of our internal persona. 

Found within this is the very engine that drives sexual repression. So for our purposes here, this will be the core consideration for our topic. 

                                                                                   

Understand that as we move through life & grow as an individual, we take various actions in the field of our experience. In return the world responds to such conduct, & ultimately it is from this response that we begin to soon see an overall impact, both on our character as well as the many attributes that create our personality make-up. Now some of these interactions cause a positive reinforcement, & as a result we begin to internalize such beliefs or behaviors allowing each to then become an outward expression of our building persona. But often we face an effect that is not of a positive nature. We face fear & draw back. We face rejection & internalize such feelings as we struggle against our natural need to belong. Shame & moments of humiliation all have an impact on who & what we are. Indeed, for every action we make within the world there is a reaction within our existence, & attached to that there is also a lesson learned & an attitude that is soon internalized.

As a result, the ego (which regards everything from a perspective of oneself & carries with it the tendency of self-preservation) begins to soon play watchman & will keep from us any of those characteristics that do not meet with our own ego-ideal (that ideal as to what we feel we should be). The end result is that parts of our personality are essentially repressed & become basically hidden, both from the world around us & even more importantly from ourselves. What evolves is that many aspects to our character become pushed down, out & away from our conscious view, back into the dark recesses of our unconscious psyche. Over time these combined ‘sub-personalities’ work to create an aspect of our character that is hidden from the light of our conscious awareness; it is in essence a “shadow self” if you will. In short, it is the face of our persona that we would rather not show to the world. So, as we try to then live out the life of our ego-ideal, this aspect to our persona tends to remain internally hidden, unconsciously removed from the open view of our own conscious self.

Indeed, everyone has within him something of the criminal, the genius, & the saint. For when our inner sense of reason discovers the irreconcilable nature of polar opposites, the consequence is most often repression. We want to be this & are taught that we must repress all which is that. Ultimately, such repression leads to the development of a ‘shadow self’. But it is in the same manner that we also begin to create an outward shell to then carry forth those aspects of our persona that we are willing to share with the world - a social mask if you will… - Carl Jung.

Our ‘social mask’ is the general persona which we present to those around us & acts as kind of a protective outer barrier to keep us from rejection & emotional harm. But often (although not always), who we really are as a person is to some degree a direct counter to what we actually present. So if we are to truly find an avenue for self-discovery & would then strive to actually come & understand just who we really are, we must be willing to first look past our social mask & see what really lies beneath, allowing perhaps for the first time a full & open disclosure of just what truly lay within us.

In this, one must understand that the mind has a natural function to strive for a sense of wholeness within its being, & those aspects of our persona that have been so deeply repressed are in fact a necessary fiber to the internal sense of our own true self. By design, whether they derive from a positive or negative attribute, such characteristics don’t exist within us to be destructive but are ultimately created for a purpose that is good (for indeed, it is our natural instinct to only carry those qualities that are complimentary to our survival). In that, even the most deeply negative attributes carry a positive aspect to their nature & may have their time & place. Each represents a part of what we are & even carries a talent of sorts that may in turn offer a level of positive aspect to give us strength & which would then work to make us personally whole as an individual.

However, if kept as only a repressed trait, or if the underlying issue that such a repression carries remains unresolved, then it will either work to unconsciously offer its influence in a generally distorted fashion or will otherwise be manifest in only an inappropriate manner. Indeed, it is primarily through this mode of behavior that it works to again make itself known & is thus brought back into the light of our active awareness. Now if left unattended then obviously this would offer a very negative influence. But it also opens a window of insight. For although we unconsciously repress certain aspects to the shadow self, we thus have a natural tendency to also act them out & even unconsciously to project them into the environment that surrounds us. So as our social mask then hides us from the world, it is thus through such acts of unconscious projection that this same world becomes a mirror to our own true personality.

You see, as a form of emotional self-defense, if we harbor deeply felt anxieties about any internally repressed feelings or character traits, & if these aspects are indeed felt within us but are deemed by the ego to be simply unacceptable, then rather than to face such a discord within ourselves (which is in direct conflict to the function of the ego), we will instead tend to unconsciously project those feelings &/or traits out onto the people & external circumstances which surround us. As we then move forward in a state of general denial, it will therefore appear as if these qualities actually exist in those around us rather than within ourselves (usually disproportionately).

For example, if we carry a fair deal of greed within our heart but hold a great deal of disdain for this specific characteristic because of some past circumstance or teaching, then it will generally be repressed deep within the unconscious aspects to our shadow self. Now since it is so difficult for us to face the existence of such a trait within our character (much less to embrace it as a part of who we are as an individual), then the only way we can express it as a part of our personality is to project it outward to those around us. As a result, we begin to see the world not as it is, but rather as a mirrored reflection of how we are. In this, we will tend to thereby judge more harshly those around us as “greedy” & will almost always do so in a disproportionate manner than that which really exists (or perhaps even confusing the simple nature of assertive qualities with greed). Now it's true that there must be a motivator of some type to have created such a transfer in the first place, but it's this latent quality within us that causes such a distorted judgment to essentially take place, & which then acts as the signal to allow such transference to then become so apparent.

But even more, in an unconscious act for complete self-justification, we will also tend to attract a certain degree of actual greed into our lives as a result. This aspect to our nature tends to create a type of vortex in our life for which such circumstances are then drawn, & it is here that we begin to create for ourselves a mirrored reflection of our true inner self. For example, if an individual who’s personal life or love life seems to exist in a recurring theme of absolute chaos, & if such a recurring cycle indeed does persist, then such a state will generally exist only because of a manifestation of some unresolved inner issue & because that person is attracting that element of chaos to his or her life in the first place!

But let’s take this concept just one step further…

Consider that we are drawn to others by that which we carry inside, & if we didn’t posses a certain quality at all then we literally wouldn’t be able to recognize it in those around us. This means that if you are inspired by someone’s greatness or sense of courage, then it is only because you carry such greatness within you. And even though such qualities may not be fully expressed in your life at the current moment, they are none the less present within you, & you do in fact have the ability to manifest any such quality to which you can then relate (be it good or bad). Just keep in mind that it is not the entire person we mirror, but rather the quality or trait that is being demonstrated at that moment - only this particular quality is what lies within you, not the whole persona.   - Debbie Ford, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers.

So just what does all this really mean? That the world as we see it, judge it, & project out into it is but a mirrored reflection of who we are & what we hold inside - this is where we find a true representation of our inner selves. And because that which is most important to us carries with it a high degree of emotional involvement, we must then look more specifically for those traits that, for some reason, really leave us emotionally charged - the degree by which we are emotionally involved is key, for this will represent the degree of our personal attachment.

Also, as we then project these aspects of our nature out onto the world around us, we will continue to see a pattern or set of defining characteristics, & will continue to attract whoever or whatever into our existence as a continuous cycle until such lessons are learned & the underlying issues are resolved. So it's important to look at & recognize those scenarios that are of a recurring theme & which may thus offer an insight into some aspect of our underlying personality (that which may obviously need our attention). With such recognition, we may then look at what really affects us & use it as a catalyst to uncover the fundamental attributes to our ‘shadow self.’

Do keep in mind, however, that not all is worthy of such analysis. If you carry an issue that really doesn’t hinder you or which quite simply is not worth such attention then pay it no regard. You need only to attend to those concerns that deter you from forward growth or which represent some issue of unrelenting paradox & cycle of unease.

Also, look to the real issue & don’t over analyze everything just for the sake of analysis. Sometimes bad things happen & occur for no real reason. Sometimes life gets really busy & things just get a little out of control. The resulting chaos is not some internally derived grand scheme of self-sabotage. So focus only on the deeper issues & that which has truly created an underlying theme of negative influence throughout your life.

Serving then as an identifiable bridge between the active thoughts of our conscious awareness & the internal issues of our unconscious mind, we find the elements of self-talk: that continual dialogue that we carry within ourselves. This is a key tool to the attitudes we keep & the ultimate guide to understanding the unconscious aspects to our internal persona. So listen to the attitudes you carry & the messages you reflect. Step outside of yourself & take an honest look at what is conveyed. Consider not just the words or messages that are carried, but also the attitudes & beliefs that belie them. See this dialogue & the spirit it carries for what it truly represents. Are you generally positive or negative? Where does your ongoing focus truly lie? Deep down inside, do you see yourself as capable & strong, or do you feel perhaps inadequate & allow yourself to be held in check by an eternal sense of fear? Do you see yourself as someone who is in control of your future & in charge of your destiny, or do you play the victim & hide behind circumstances while blaming others or the situation before you? Perhaps you find yourself constantly giving others the same advice that you yourself should be taking?

Found within such a dynamic we see the clear result of repression, sexual & otherwise...    But as we then come to understand just how this affects our life, we may then work to achieve the personal breakthrough that will allow its release, & thus create a freedom to explore ourselves more fully as an individual - both sexually & personally.

- Richard A.D.


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